I’ve been extremely inconsistent with this blog, I haven’t posted in months, and I don’t update “Fallen Seeker’s Record”.
It isn’t surprising that the same inconsistency lies in my success at being “filth-free” of pornography and masturbation.
I think I’m going to leave Fallen Seeker’s Record until I get some consistency in my life. Pornography and masturbation have carved out such a great amount of time in my schedule that when I try to not masturbate or watch porn, I feel bored because I have little else to do, which eventually gets me to start thinking about porn again. If I focus on positive aspects of my life that would fill up that hole in my schedule, I can preoccupy myself and deal with my urges less.
My priorities include:
1) Deen Development –> praying 5 times a day with khushoo, praying in Jamma’ in the masjid, going to weekly halaqas, going to seminars, being involved in the muslim student association in my university, etc.
2) University –> focusing on keeping a high grade point average, preparing myself for exams, completing assignments, extra curricular activities, being a part of student clubs that suit my interests, going to little club events like a talk by some political scientist.
3) Goal tracking –> I need to be actively improving the above two areas in my life by making a daily record of my activities, my downfalls, my victories, and lessons that I learn. If I keep this consistent, I have a much better chance at success.
Until I fix myself up somewhat in the above 3 goals, there’s no way I can successfully kill the monster of pornography and masturbation that is consuming my life. Only when I get stronger in my deen, the positive aspects of my dunya, and my goal making/tracking abilities will I ever have a chance of staying filth free.
What I will do in the mean time is make little posts about thoughts I have about pornography and masturbation, and share useful links. This will keep my mind on my agenda of being filth free, and will be of great benefit to you the reader.
My next post is entitled: Things that I’ve learned over the past few months about filth.
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